How to Help Someone Struggling with Addiction

If a loved one is struggling in addiction, it is hard to know how to help them. The truth is, unless they want help, there really isn’t much you can do. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for someone else’s behavior. You may be able to influence them, but true change comes from God. 

1.Seek God and prayer –

God created the world and everything in it. It is Jesus Who has the power of life. He is the source of all healing, whether He uses professionals to aid in this healing or not. Turn over control to God, ask that He will care for your loved one and give them a life worth living.

2.Get help for yourself –

Dealing with a loved one can be emotionally, physically, and financially draining. It is important that you stay (or get) healthy if you ever hope to help someone else. This will be of great value when the time comes for intervention. It will help to show empathy and build trust. Self-care should continue long after your loved one is in recovery. Often the fastest path to relapse is after a person starts recovery and returns to relationships which are unhealthy or have not begun the healing process.

3.Seek professional help –

Look for a professional guide. You will find lots of well-intentioned people who have been through the recovery process at some point. However, someone whose career is centered on recovery will be more aware of what questions to ask, what options are available based on a complete assessment, and what is the best method and timing for treatment. Often someone who is limited by personal experience may have a narrow view of what works best that may not account for different people in different situations.

4.Seek to understand –

Understanding where people are really at can be difficult for several reasons. Addiction is rooted in lies, including lying to yourself, so an individual may not fully understand how bad their situation really is because they have so thoroughly deceived themselves. The addict frequently does not fully understand consequences of their behavior, or how it affects those around them.

5.Avoid confrontations –

Conversations are different than confrontations. It is much easier to demonstrate love when a person feels respected and valued. Plan and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide the conversation into honest reflection. Avoid conversations about their situations while they are overtly inebriated, this often leads to an emotionally charged response which does not reflect the truth and may cause frustration and anger. Remember to use a soft tone of voice and low volume. Body language and posture say a lot about how you value them. Take care not to cross your arms or elevate yourself over them (don’t stand while they are sitting, keep yourself at eye level or even lower, etc.) and try not to invade their personal space. In short, demonstrate that you love them by showing them love and respect.

6.What does your loved one want for their future –

It is important not to project your goals for someone onto them. An individual is more likely to be successful achieving their goals when they chose those goals themselves. We may want our loved one to become completely abstinent immediately, but, in reality, this may take longer or look different depending on the individual, length, frequency, and amount of use. This will likely also impact the length and level of treatment.  

An example of this is Medically Assisted Treatment (MAT). Some individuals may not want to, or be capable of, immediate abstinence. They may need medications such as Suboxone, Methadone or Vivitrol to ween themselves off slowly as they adjust to life, responsibilities, and emotions, while learning new life skills. Statistically, the most dangerous time, with the highest likelihood of overdose for someone coming off Opiates, is during the first two weeks after discharge from inpatient treatment or release from incarceration. This is because of forced abstinence.

Let them set their own goals and timing. Celebrate any victory at any level!

7.Encourage despite setbacks –

There is a difference between a setback and a relapse. A setback is a short-lived mistake that has minor consequences. A relapse is a full return to using like they were prior to their decision to enter recovery. Condemnation is the ministry of the devil. Shame is the second most common reason for returning to a life of substance abuse. Those of us in recovery all embrace more shame than anyone else could ever put on us. Adding additional shame on someone for a setback may turn that setback into a full relapse. It is important to encourage loved ones in their recovery, even (and maybe especially) when they are struggling in that recovery.

8.Avoid enabling –

We all want our loved ones to feel loved or comfortable and view us as a source of love, comfort, and refuge. This sometimes manifests as ignoring negative behaviors, providing funds that go to unknown/dishonest uses, allowing them to use in your home, or shielding them from consequences of their actions. By enabling someone, even if it comes from a place of love, you are causing more harm. If you don’t know how to identify enabling behavior in yourself, ask a trusted friend or mentor who will be honest with you. If you don’t know someone like this, find an educated professional such as – pastor, therapist, certified recovery coach or Licensed Addiction Counselor. You can always reach out to someone at TCM for help.

9.Know what a good aftercare/recovery plan looks like –

God created us to be a part of a family and community. We are not intended to go through life alone. Every person who is in recovery at any level needs to have a solid plan and a community to help them execute that plan. At the bare minimum this plan should include: housing, employment, education, support/accountability groups, church family, ongoing therapy, and a mentor, sponsor, or life coach. It is typically not the best idea for someone to return straight home after treatment. It may be best for them to live in a sober home for at least six months. This allows them to readjust to living in society, address the myriad issues that they have not dealt with in a long time, and enjoy a greater level of support an accountability than they would find at home. Studies show that living in a sober house for 6-18 months after treatment substantially improves a person’s likelihood of long-term success.

10.Healthy relationships –

Unhealthy or immoral relationships, which may include a spouse, are (by FAR) the primary reason for relapse! God created us to be in relationships. We all want to experience love, acceptance, and to feel needed. However, we are impatient creatures and often make compromises to fill this need in unhealthy and inappropriate ways. While we cannot make decisions for other people, seeing our loved one in an unhealthy relationship should be a warning sign for us to prepare to step in. A helpful and healthy approach could be for you to suggest that your loved one and their significant other seek relationship or pre-marital counseling if they are truly serious about the relationship. Even the best long-lasting marriages benefit from an occasional ‘tune up’! Their willingness to engage in this type of counseling will be a good way to tell if the relationship is healthy and beneficial, or unhealthy and harmful. The counselor will be even more helpful in understanding the condition and disposition of the relationship.

11.Managing your own expectations –

God is all self-sufficient, that is to say, there is nothing that He needs or can be added to Him. There is nothing outside of His control. Often we want to take control of situations, people and their choices, but this kind of control is an illusion. Be careful when setting expectations of others or even yourself. The only person we can truly trust is Jesus Christ! Everyone else will let us down at some point. Have appropriate and measured expectations for yourself and for your loved one. Remember that the first step is turning care of your loved one over to God. He is capable of doing anything He chooses, and far beyond what we could ever imagine.